Adapting to Soviet Practices

The new chief administrator told that we have to “centralize department budgets.” Nobody knows what it means and how it’s supposed to be done.

Fortunately, people are learning to adapt to these Soviet practices. Today I’ve had a meeting with the accounting department. They told us how we’ll centralize. Two lines in the budget will swap places. And the spreadsheets will be uploaded to a different folder. The meeting lasted exactly 3,5 minutes, which shows that we are finally learning to take the piss at the moronic mandates of our dear Soviet leaders our administrators.

All Qualified Candidates

It always bugs me to see “All qualified candidates are encouraged to apply, including minorities, women, persons with disabilities, and protected veterans.” It’s 2022. Nobody has excluded women from applying for jobs or awards in a century.

I’d also remove ‘minorities’ because nobody knows who’s a minority anymore. I’m a Ukrainian but I’m never a minority when a Hispanic person, who belongs to a gigantically more numerous group in the US, sometimes is. But not always. And nobody knows exactly when or why.

This becomes particularly funny when an Argentinean of Ukrainian-Jewish descent counts as a minority and I, also of Ukrainian-Jewish descent, do not. I’m always reminded of the novels by Faulkner where people are tortured by the knowledge that an ancestor lived in Jamaica and hence they might have “a drop of non-white blood.” The Argentinean is assumed to have lived somewhere in the approximate vicinity of “people of color” and automatically becomes “not fully white.” Of course, everybody should be free to choose their sex but nobody is ever allowed to name their own ethnicity because Americans can’t tolerate any infringement on their one-drop rules.