Proof that International Adoptions Are Deeply Problematic

Here is all the proof you might have ever needed that the Russian Duma made the best decision ever when it adopted legislation prohibiting international adoptions of orphans:

I’ve always felt there was nothing worse than a parent having to bury their child. I don’t think that anymore. What I’m about to write might sound morbid. If you read to the end, you might understand why it’s not.

Frankly, I’d rather bury my child than leave her in “the home for invalids” where she currently resides.

This is an excerpt from a blog post titled “Death Would Be Better” of a very scary woman who will now be prevented (and thank God in heaven for that) from adopting a small girl from Russia. Her self-proclaimed position is that if little Polina can’t be her toy, then she should just die. This long and rambling post is filled with the most egregious idiocies you can imagine. But what really terrifies me is how many times the scary woman repeats the words “death would be better” when talking about the little girl. This religious fanatic thinks it is up to her to decide when people should die.

You have to agree that it is very disturbing when folks like these travel around the world shopping for kids whom they can’t even see as human. Imagine if the child doesn’t live up to the sicko’s expectations. She already thinks the girl should die if she can’t own her.

I feel too traumatized right now. My regular readers know how I feel about child abuse and can imagine how I react when I see people proclaim that a child should die.

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37 comments on “Proof that International Adoptions Are Deeply Problematic

  1. That mother sounded like she means well to me, but at the same time, she came off as a nutty religious fundamentalist extremist almost in the vein of the Westboro Baptist Church in Kansas and those scumbags in the Phelps family who abuse religion and the law for their own benefit through these lawsuits. I really felt conflicted after reading that. I’ve never met any Christian who has said anything that extreme before in my life, so this woman is an insult to anyone who is religious but at the same time has the decency to not impose or force their beliefs on someone else. I have a lot of respect for both religious and secular types who are able to do this.

    • “at the same time has the decency to not impose or force their beliefs on someone else”

      - Let’s imagine she manages to adopt Polina and Polina tells her, “Look, I want to follow in the tradition of my family and be an atheist like my parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents.” What are the chances this woman will allow her to do that and will not persecute her with rantings about the Satan?

      • I think she would probably overreact and act like a bitch about for months, but she would slowly get over it in my eyes if she truly loved her daughter. I’ve known people who have gone to Catholic school and have come out as atheist during that time period and they are still getting along with their parents just fine.

        It took a lot of guts for the people I knew to do such a thing, but in the long run, it was definitely for the better. My parents believe in God and are Catholic, but they aren’t that religious in the sense that they attend mass or any of that stuff, so whether I attended an organized service or not they didn’t really care what I believed in.

        Seeing as how this woman lives in Arkansas, the state where that moron Mike Huckabee was the governor, you do have a point. Huckabee (super religious fundamentalist) conservatives suck and are a mockery to what conservatism really meant in the first place.

        http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2012/02/27/gop-hypocrisy-on-religion-quran-burning-vs-contraception.html

  2. This woman is clearly disturbed. I was reading her post with an open mind because I disagree with you on int’l adoptions, but she is absolutely nuts. Scary.

  3. I believe that Clarissa misinterprets those remarks, though of course we see only an abbreviated commentary. The woman is visiting warehouses for discarded children, I presume in Russia though it coule be elsewhere. She is horrified at what she sees. She comments that she would rather any child of hers’ should die rather than live like that. That is a not unreasonable judgment.

    I know families who adopted from Romania. In two cases, the children behaved like animals. They had not been socialized at all. The mothers spent years remedying the neglect. What must those who do not secure adoption grow up to be?

    Shame on Russia, is all that I can say, for allowing small children to be so mal-treated. Those who govern are those who should be horse-whipped.

    • There are photos in the blog. In them, you can see that the kid lives in very good conditions. She gets medical treatment, she is well-nourished, happy, and the orphanage treats her very well. The linked blogger is not claimed that the child is mistreated.

      There are no warehouses for children in Russia and nobody is maltreated. If a kid on an orphanage gets as much as a tiny scratch or a bruise while playing, a commission immediately comes over to investigate.

      • I especially loved her statement that orphans in Russia suffer because the government gives them the ownership of a free apartment when they grow up. Because in the US the government probably gives people several free apartments when they reach adulthood.

  4. America seems like a very bad society to me, purely because of its religiosity. Even those professing atheism or skepticism will often see the world through a very religious lens. It’s metaphysics, dichotomies, the notion of good versus evil, solipsism, narcissism and outrage, all marketed for your viewing pleasure.

    The writer of the blog seems absolutely nutty. I wish people had dignity rather than displaying their extreme emotional states in that way. It sets up a defensive emotional screen, so that the real personality, if there is one, doesn’t come through.

    Americans also need to grow up and come to terms with the fact that not everyone thinks as they do. Many of them simply won’t accept that others don’t automatically see the world in the ways they do. For instance, just today, I received a message from a spambot telling me that I’m not the perfect princess that I — as an allegedly American woman — believe myself to be. A few days before, Americans on another site were demanding I accept that Disney princesses are not cultural artifacts, but products of our genetic urges. I was told I wanted to be one, and I would see that in myself if I read Richard Dawkins.

    And, finally today, I see that a crazy, religious lunatic, who also happens to be insane and mad to boot, is behaving in an overwrought manner about some Russian kid, whom she calls “a princess”.

    It’s barbaric!

    • “The writer of the blog seems absolutely nutty. I wish people had dignity rather than displaying their extreme emotional states in that way.”

      - Now it becomes clear why she isn’t trying to adopt in the US. There is no way she would pass even the most cursory psych eval.

      “For instance, just today, I received a message from a spambot telling me that I’m not the perfect princess that I — as an allegedly American woman — believe myself to be. A few days before, Americans on another site were demanding I accept that Disney princesses are not cultural artifacts, but products of our genetic urges. I was told I wanted to be one, and I would see that in myself if I read Richard Dawkins. And, finally today, I see that a crazy, religious lunatic, who also happens to be insane and mad to boot, is behaving in an overwrought manner about some Russian kid, whom she calls “a princess”.”

      - OK, what is with this obsession that anti-feminist folks have with Disney princesses? I had the EXACT SAME discussion with a freak on a Russian forum several years ago. He was also trying to convince me of the genetic nature of women’s supposed desire to be princesses. When I told him that as a little girl I never wanted to be a princess because my dream was to be a linguist, he almost had a fit of vapors.

      • So you had that experience too? The princess fixation is really strange indeed. But presumably this guy was a Russian who was pushing that line?

        Maybe this spam guy is getting around. He says: “American women are living in their own pathetic little fantasy world, where they think they are a perfect little princess. Sorry, but you are NOT a perfect little princess.

        Give American women the husband they deserve- NONE!

        BOYCOTT AMERICAN WOMEN!”

        Now, the thing is I’ve written a great deal about transgression on my blog and I have demonstrated in other ways — for instance when I did my Bataille videos, I was not in the mood to apply lipstick elegantly because I thought it had to be “in excess” — that I am by no means “a princess”. I’m a monster of some proportions, but there’s nothing resembling a princess about me.

        The normal way out for people who push a dogmatic line is to insist that I still want to be a princess but I’m failing miserably. That’s because everyone wants to be a princess. Some can be, and some can’t be princesses. But being a princess is an ideal.

        Actually the thing I’d like to be, if the opportunity ever arose, would be a war journalist. I probably wouldn’t like it, but it would be good for me. I’d probably be a moderate success.

        In the mean time, I have to combat the American male’s propensity to view all women as failed or inadequate princesses.

      • ” But presumably this guy was a Russian who was pushing that line?”

        - Oh, yes.

        “Maybe this spam guy is getting around. He says: “American women are living in their own pathetic little fantasy world, where they think they are a perfect little princess. Sorry, but you are NOT a perfect little princess.

        Give American women the husband they deserve- NONE!

        BOYCOTT AMERICAN WOMEN!””

        - This guy has been trolling the Internet with that exact same line at least since 2009. That’s at least 3 years of repeating the same thing on endless websites, blogs, etc. Note how he as asking YOU to be in charge of distributing or withholding husbands. Scary shit.

        “The normal way out for people who push a dogmatic line is to insist that I still want to be a princess but I’m failing miserably. That’s because everyone wants to be a princess. Some can be, and some can’t be princesses. But being a princess is an ideal.”

        - My only analysis for now is that they exhibit such a tenacious degree of immaturity that they are still stuck at the nursery age. Kids don;t normally care about princesses past the age of 5 at the latest.

        “Actually the thing I’d like to be, if the opportunity ever arose, would be a war journalist. I probably wouldn’t like it, but it would be good for me. I’d probably be a moderate success.”

        - I think this profession would definitely suit you.

      • Thanks for the vote of confidence about profession. I haven’t aimed to get into academia, because I do think it would be too tame for me, but also I don’t identify as middle class. My values are all over the board. I think they do reflect largely the colonial values I was brought up with, which are like, “I’m better than you civilized or rich people…. have great self-esteem, but have no money and only the capacity to enjoy a rather isolated culture and my physicality.” I also have a drive to constantly explore and not to keep still.

        As for princesses, maybe American men want to be princesses? After all, there may be a vacuum for such. Russian men and American men could both get together and form princess fests. That way, they could court each other and nobody would have to grow up.

      • I don’t get the princess thing either. I envisioned myself becoming a traveler, roaming the world, and then later I’d settle down and become an eccentric rich recluse. I believe that the “princess” thing is tied into our culture’s obsession with female youth and beauty but it’s almost impossible for me to imagine that mindset so I could be wrong.

  5. I’d like to wonder if part of this international adopting of people from this “home for invalids” is in part to allow this person to brainwash adoptees with anti-choice propaganda about how “you were saved from the evil abortionists who kill disabled people”.

      • Yup. These religunuts I knew adopted a blind Korean girl so that they could brainwash her with that exact line. They also liked that her blindness made her more dependable upon them, since of course a blind person couldn’t take charge of their own life. They expected someone to marry her out of pity if she ever wanted to get away. Instead, she went to the school for deaf and blind children, and then went to university to become a music instructor. She’s not on speaking terms with her adopted parents now, because they were so affronted by her asserting her independence and going to *gasp* university, so far away from mommy and daddy, and getting a career rather than being pity-married!

      • “These religunuts I knew adopted a blind Korean girl so that they could brainwash her with that exact line. They also liked that her blindness made her more dependable upon them, since of course a blind person couldn’t take charge of their own life. They expected someone to marry her out of pity if she ever wanted to get away.”

        - These religious fanatics are scary, just scary. Fortunately, this girl managed to get away.

  6. Is it really so bad people adopting children from a country like Russia? I mean I understand there are the odd nutcase parents, but a lot of people are well-meaning as well, and a lot of these are children who need homes.

    • What part of “intent isn’t magic” don’t you understand? What part of “enabling child abuse by removing them from their culture and trying to assimilate them” do you not understand? What part of “Adult international adoptees have repeatedly spoken out against the process of international adoption, and they know better than anyone else what that process is like” is hard to grasp?

      • What about enabling child abuse by leaving childen in destitute conditions who could otherwise be removed? It’s not like all those orphans are being treated well or will be treated well. A lot of Russian orphans are special needs children who are placed into orphanages by the Russian government where they are neglected.

        I agree that the process of international adoption can be corrupted, but thousands of children are adopted every year. I doubt that these people who speak out have an experience that represents every single child adopted.

      • ” It’s not like all those orphans are being treated well or will be treated well.”

        - What on earth makes you think that? Kyle, how many times do I need to warn you about making offensive statements about countries you never even visited? Please, just stop. You are being grossly insulting.

        “A lot of Russian orphans are special needs children who are placed into orphanages by the Russian government where they are neglected.”

        - I’m starting to believe you are hopeless.

      • “What on earth makes you think that? Kyle, how many times do I need to warn you about making offensive statements about countries you never even visited? Please, just stop. You are being grossly insulting.”

        Reading about the conditions of orphaned children in Russia from people who have adopted them. As for having never visited, you yourself said you have never visited the country, so how can you say authoritatively that it is bad to adopt children from the country?

      • “Reading about the conditions of orphaned children in Russia from people who have adopted them.”

        - Read your own statement and then try to understand why it’s very funny. And continue breathing very deep.

        ” As for having never visited, you yourself said you have never visited the country”

        - You are confusing me with somebody.

      • “- Read your own statement and then try to understand why it’s very funny. And continue breathing very deep.”

        Various human rights groups have also criticized the living conditions of orphans in Russia: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=9810880

        ”- You are confusing me with somebody.”

        If you have in fact visited the country, then I apologize, I must be remembering a prior post of yours wrongly.

    • “Is it really so bad people adopting children from a country like Russia?”

      - What do you mean “a country like Russia”? What country specifically is “like Russia”? We are talking about Russia here not some other country that is supposedly “like it.”

      “I mean I understand there are the odd nutcase parents, but a lot of people are well-meaning as well”

      - Oh yes. they have the best intentions in the world which is to buy a toy. And if they can’t buy it, it should be destroyed.

      • “What do you mean “a country like Russia”? What country specifically is “like Russia”? We are talking about Russia here not some other country that is supposedly “like it.” ”

        It’s just a way of speaking in English. By “a country like Russia,” I just mean a country with a very different culture, language, etc…

        “Oh yes. they have the best intentions in the world which is to buy a toy. And if they can’t buy it, it should be destroyed.”

        There are thousands of people who adopt children from Russia who have no intention of it being a toy to show off. People don’t just on the whim decide to adopt and especially from a foreign country. There is a long, expensive process involved. Such people shouldn’t be stereotyped because of the bad apples here and there.

      • “It’s just a way of speaking in English. By “a country like Russia,” I just mean a country with a very different culture, language, etc…”

        - Are you feeling well? This is too much condescension even from you. Try to breathe in very deep. Maybe it’s a good idea to take a walk.

        “There are thousands of people who adopt children from Russia who have no intention of it being a toy to show off. People don’t just on the whim decide to adopt and especially from a foreign country. There is a long, expensive process involved. Such people shouldn’t be stereotyped because of the bad apples here and there.”

        - This has all been discussed already: http://clarissasblog.com/2012/12/19/russia-bans-us-adoptions/ But first take that walk. Seriously, man, I’m giving you good advice here.

      • “- Are you feeling well? This is too much condescension even from you. Try to breathe in very deep. Maybe it’s a good idea to take a walk.”

        Clarissa, you may think I am incredibly stupid or nuts for some of my opinions, but believe me, I am not trying to be condescending at all. As far as I know, saying “like something” is a way of talking in English. Maybe not officially proper English, but then many people don’t speak with 100% correct grammar.

        “- This has all been discussed already: http://clarissasblog.com/2012/12/19/russia-bans-us-adoptions/ But first take that walk. Seriously, man, I’m giving you good advice here.”

        Didn’t know there were some other posts on this made, I will make sure to read through them.

      • “As far as I know, saying “like something” is a way of talking in English. Maybe not officially proper English, but then many people don’t speak with 100% correct grammar.”

        - Thank you, I am well aware. The condescension lies in explaining such trivial things to highly educated people like me. It’s wrong to do that.

  7. Do not know. Do not want to defend international adoptions per se, but do not see the reason to demonize them either. Your example shows that there are crazy deeply problematic people. But crazy problematic people frequently mistreat their own biological children as well. Treat them as objects too. In all countries. And in the case of biological parents, there is no more external control over the well-being of children than in the case of international adoptions. And no psychological evaluations. Also, people spend thousands of dollars on infertility treatments. Sometimes the amount is comparable to those involved in international adoptions. Does that make them suspect of buying a toy? Or of being racist? Biological parents sometimes move between countries, depriving their children of cultural environment. Etc.
    One more interesting thing – one person we both know, and who passes as a human rights activist, seriously advocates for the members of the Russian Duma and people in show-biz to make it fashionable to adopt children within Russia. By example! I honestly do not know what is better for the kid – to be adopted by an average (not as crazy as in your example) Westerner, or by the member of the Duma, for political/PR purposes… How is that for treating child as an object? What makes it even more ridiculous – the person I am talking about was running for the Duma herself at one point, and then complained how her competitors (who eventually won) unleashed some criminals onto her…
    Now, I admit I do not presume to know what those kids feel. It is quite possible they develop problems as a result of that adoption process. But then why not condemn international adoptions in general, not only with respect to Russia vs US? Why it suddenly became an issue when Russia forbade international adoptions by US citizens in response to “Magnitsky bill”, aimed at Russian state officials involved in corruption? OK, I buy it, you are against international adoptions in general. And I see your point, except I do not idealize biological parents. But I must admit – IMHO you have chosen a strange time and a very strange company to join this fight.

    • “By example! I honestly do not know what is better for the kid – to be adopted by an average (not as crazy as in your example) Westerner, or by the member of the Duma, for political/PR purposes…”

      - I agree that this is a bizarre idea.

      “IMHO you have chosen a strange time and a very strange company to join this fight.”

      - They are obviously doing this for very very wrong reasons. But if those wrong reasons at least get the conversation started, that will be good. For now, all I’m seeing is a crowd of real weirdos, most of them religious fanatics, fundies of the worst ilk, buying little savages to convert them (and that’s in the best of cases). And nobody cares because you can’t get people around here to respond to children’s rights at all. They don’t get the concept. I hate Putin and I hate his stupid fraudulent Duma but if they accidentally stepped into something positive, that’s good.

  8. The UK is trying to improve the adoption process so that more children can be adopted more quickly. Some people try to adopt abroad because the process at home has been so totally horrendous, long, unreasonably intrusive and stressful that they give up and try elsewhere.

    This situation has been recognised, and is being dealt with. Hopefully more people will be able to adopt at home and not be so totally discouraged that they look elsewhere.

    As for the princess thing, I don’t understand it either. When I was 9 or so I wanted to be a long-distance lorry driver so I could travel the world with a dog.

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