At my baby shower on Friday, there were many children, ranging in age from 6 months to 15 years. You can really spot the representatives of the intellectual class because they tend to have really amazing children.

The kids at the shower were not inhibited, zombified, or terrorized. It was obvious that nobody scripted their every move or used them as a substitute for professional fulfillment. They ran around, played, and had fun.

At the same time, even the smallest among them were not high maintenance, did not require that everybody stare at them all the time, and didn’t get in the way of adult activities. Also, all of the kids understood more than one language, which is to be expected at a party where most people teach foreign languages.

Children of the intellectual class learn very early on life to communicate verbally in very effective ways. They don’t bray stupidly to transmit their wishes but express themselves in beautiful complete sentences.

A colleague of mine raised 4 brilliant children, all of whom are professionally and academically successful. Given that she raised the eldest two as a single mother on food stamps, this is quite a feat.

“What did you do to make them so great?” I asked my colleague.

“Oh, I never had time to develop a specific parenting strategy. There was always too much work, too many things going on for me to get hung up on parenting models. But the kids grew up hearing intelligent conversations all day and every day, and this seems to have been enough.”

One of the most reliable ways of building an identity is through violence. Teenagers are more desperate for an identity than any other age group, so they rely on violence a lot. Violence is supposed to inscribe marks of identity on their bodies.

Teenage boys tend to use others for this purpose. They pick fights and try to get hurt in a variety of ways.

Teenage girls tend to inflict violence on themselves through starving, cutting, etc.

So has anybody here tried cotton candy grapes? They come from California, look like regular grapes but taste like cotton candy. I’m eating them now and they are causing me intense cognitive dissonance.

Are they genetically modified to taste like this? Will I now grow a tail as punishment for eating them?