I’m really annoyed with people who keep saying that since Elsa from Frozen and Raya from the new Disney movie don’t have a love interest in the film it must mean they are gay. I hope it goes beyond saying that I have nothing whatsoever against gay people but I’m bothered by this assumption that such young girls necessarily need a love interest. It’s perfectly fine not to have a love interest at 16, or whatever their age. These are movies for an age demographic from 3 to 12. We don’t need to teach such young girls that something is wrong with them if they don’t have a serious boyfriend. These most recent two movies have a very age-appropriate message that, at this stage, what matters is family, friends, and figuring out who you are and what you value in life.
I hate Cinderella, for instance, because I have no idea how to explain it to my kid. She’s five! She needs stories she can understand. I’m very glad about this new positive direction in Disney movies.
When a person suffers a major loss, there are several ways of making the loss palatable to the psyche.
1. Depression, which is a way to punish oneself for allowing the loss to happen.
2. Refusing to accept that the loss took place.
3. Refusing to accept the significance of the loss.
4. Substituting the lost object with a new object of attachment.
2 is pathological because it leads to delusion. 1 is very unhealthy, as well. 3 and 4 are better because they aren’t self-destructive.
I’m writing all this because I know somebody who is stuck in 2, and it’s really scary. It’s the “he didn’t really leave me, and I know for sure because he’s sending me messages with the color pattern of his clothes” kind of stuff.
The word “hate” and everything ending in “phobia” should be retired immediately. They have been overused and no longer mean anything.
Let’s proceed under the assumption that most people are good and disagreement is normal.
When people use this language, let’s refuse to engage and say, “it’s not OK to talk like this.”
A wonderful video from a group of not-fully-brain-dead Germans: