The second most valuable literary prize in the world- Spanish Premio Planeta – went to. . . some woman I never heard of. She wrote a mammoth mystery novel with supernatural elements. 

Hey, if the Nobel went to some dime-a-dozen pop singer, why not give the Premio Planeta to a supernatural mystery writer?

Of course, I now have to read the mammoth supernatural mystery because that’s my job. I’m super happy I didn’t become an English professor, at least, and don’t have to listen to Bob Dylan, at least. 

Wow, folks, if I had known how this pin works, I’d have worn it all the time. I’ve never felt as popular and welcome everywhere as I do because of the pin. It’s like I’m a movie star. Everybody comes up to say something nice. 

Thanks, Hillary!

My ginormous Hillary pin that’s almost as large as my head is hugely popular among African Americans. They light up when they see it. I’m getting endless compliments on the pin. 

Right now, for instance, do you know what I do every Monday and Wednesday from 3 to 4:15 pm? I teach Spanish 101 to 9 students, 3 or 4 of whom are always absent. 

Can anybody honestly claim that it’s not completely wasteful to have a tenured professor teach 5 students the names of days of the week and colors? When you can hire somebody with a BA at $15 per hour to do it? And while I do something more valuable with my time? We are in a state that is collapsing economically and we are clinging onto this model? What kind of dumb strategy is this?

It’s not just Rauner either. People can’t get out of the rut and accept that this is not an isolated crisis that has a clear end but a symptom of an unavoidable transformation. 

At my department, for instance, we keep coming up with new language courses. Right now, it’s a new course that will teach native speakers of Spanish how to use accents correctly. Because you can totally justify the existence of Full Professors who are paid $80,000 per year to teach native speakers about accents. 

And the only argument people give to defend this sort of thing is, “This is how things have always been.” 

Headdesk.

The thing is being eroded from every direction. 

Many of the doctors in Illinois and Missouri who are tired of waiting to be paid for their services send the unpaid bills to collection. And the state employees -who keep paying their premiums and are doing nothing wrong- see their credit ratings drop off a cliff and are hounded by collectors. 

And so guess what? I open my work email right now and discover yet another “both sides are equally to blame” missive from a colleague. Rauner will never be recalled or reelected. People are sheep.