The Nobel committee can’t find Dylan to inform him of the prize. The fellow is probably so addled that it will take them a decade to get through to him. 

Why is tomorrow the last day to register to vote in Illinois? Who the ef came up with such a dumbass system? Everywhere in the world people are managing to vote without any idiotic registration. 

I never go to Shop ‘n Save because I hate the name (nobody saves when they shop. People save when they don’t shop. What kind of idiots do they think we are?) but today I went, and what do you think?

They have turkey necks.

All these years I’ve been living right next to an abundance of turkey necks and I had no idea. Serves me right for snobbing all over  Shop ‘n Save.

Russians are triumphantly announcing on every channel that Trump will win the election. Did I miss something, or is their wishful thinking out of control?