Tomorrow I’m going to undertake a real cooking adventure. I will cook tofu. I mean, I loved it both times I tried it. But nobody’s been offering to feed it to me for a while, and I’m tired of stalking vegetarians with a dejected “I’m so hungry” look. Especially since they try to be nice and give me chicken.

I’m completely clueless about tofu. I’m so clueless, it took me a month actually to find it at the grocery store. I mean, what kind of a perverted mind would guess it’s hiding in the yogurt section?

It’s not like foix gras, is it? It doesn’t melt in the pan, right?

So preschool is before kindergarten?? And it starts at three?????

This is so wackadoodle.

Today I feel like the whole world is just messing with me.

Every Tuesday I rush like crazy to get home after my 3 long and very different classes, make a hot meal for Klara, bring it with me to daycare and feed it to her on our way to the dance lesson. The meals are all made from scratch, balanced, healthy and multi-component.

And then I arrive and discover that another kid had a birthday and a [deleted profanity] well-meaning [deleted profanity] parent [deleted profanity] brought [deleted profanity] a tray of cupcakes [deleted profanity] in poisonous colors. And now not only does Klara have no interest in the hot meal, but she’s listless and I’m afraid she’ll throw up just like last time.

[deleted profanity] cupcakes from here to [deleted profanity].

[deleted profanity][deleted profanity][deleted profanity]

Indra Nooyi, the CEO of PepsiCo, which owns Doritos, said her company is making a less crunchy version of Doritos because “woman don’t lick their fingers generously and they don’t like to pour the little broken pieces and the flavor into their mouth,” at least not in public.

It’s good I’m never going to be allowed to eat Doritos again for health reasons because I always thought the whole point of eating them was the licking and the pouring.

Klara grabs the remote, presses some buttons, and speaks into it as if it were a phone.

“Papa? Papa, where are you? Come back! I miss my papa!”

I feel a pang of guilt even though it’s not like I deprived her of papa. He’s at the gym.

OK, so am I supposed to write thank-you emails to people who review my books? I never did but I started receiving such emails from people whose books I’ve reviewed? Am I being very rude, as usual?