I desperately wanted this day to be associated with something not horrible. So I started working on my new book. And it really helped.

I’m administering a massive dose of self-care therapy to myself. In the course of the therapy, I will administer the following remedies:

1. I will paint my nails with furry nail polish. Have you heard that furry nail polish is all the rage these days? Of course, it isn’t called furry but it definitely looks like it. Any nail polish that doesn’t create a smooth surface is in vogue. Just so you know.

2. Then I will make Canadian split pea soup. It’s kind of ridiculous given the weather, but we will put the AC on super-ultra-high and pretend we are in South Dakota that is experiencing a snow storm today. Canadian split pea soup is our comfort food #1.

3. While the soup is simmering (it takes 5 hours if done right), I will apply a facial mask. Or even two facial masks, one after another. And maybe a hair mask, too.

4. While the mask is on, I will watch a Law & Order: SVU marathon on my computer (which is a very weird idea of a show to watch for relaxation purposes but I never denied I was strange) and plan my research activities until September 2014. I will write endless lists of things to do. Writing lists is my version of meditation, especially if I can place them into boxes inside calendars. So I printed out calendars to fill with lists. It has to be done by hand to be fully therapeutic.

5. If none of this has full effect, I will start downloading books. And making lists of them.

Do some self-care therapy this weekend, if you have some free time.

I suddenly started shaking and weeping uncontrollably and I had no idea why. Then, about an hour later, I realized that it was exactly one month since I felt him move for the last time. And tomorrow will be one month since I found out. And the day after will be one month since the operation.

It’s going to get better eventually. Just not right now.