Eat Your Cake

You know how whenever there’s cake at work, there are always at least two women in the group who will engage in a weird, masturbatory performance around the cake?

“Should I have a slice? No, I really shouldn’t. But I was so good at lunch today! And at breakfast! I had almost no breakfast! Do you think I can have some? I’ve had no dessert in a week!”

And all the time I want to yell, “You don’t have to ‘be good’ to have it. Eat the cake, don’t eat that cake, but quit the spectacle already.”

Totally reminds me of how the COVID crowd engages with reality. “If I’m really good, maybe I’ll be allowed to travel in 6 months.” You can already travel. And eat cake. And travel while eating cake. Or not. Just stop performing your neurosis in front of everybody.

OT: why are the words “cake” and “cookies” so ugly? They sound like something is stuck in one’s throat.

4 thoughts on “Eat Your Cake

  1. Behaviour like that can stem from women being brought up in a world that values thin women and devalues fat ones, hence creating angst and insecurity when they are confronted with eating “bad” food in front of others who might judge them. Imo it is a kindness to tell them to eat the cake because doing so provides acceptance and lets them just do what they already wanted to do with more ease.

    Regarding COVID, the psychology is totally different, because people saying “we can go out in 6 months if we stay locked down” are not trying to avoid judgment as per the above, even if they are angst ridden. They’re steeling themselves prior to sacrifice/suffering, which is an altogether different (and more logical) motivator.

    OT: the words cake and cookies are more difficult to pronounce and sound a little peculiar when spoken with Russian intonation and cadence because the pitch of the vowels falls for longer and more deeply. In the case of the latter, not only does the pitch of the first syllable fall for a long time and deeply, but the second syllable is very short and inflects upwards sharply, meaning that the syllables are badly matched.

    If you try pronouncing either word in a British kind of accent which doesn’t intonate/inflect anywhere near as deeply as the Russian while also having an even cadence, it’s a lot easier and sounds nicer. Mimicking the Australian accent makes the point even better since that accent extends/stretches out vowel sounds without intonating downwards much at all. So, the Australian intonation of the word cookies is similar to how an excited Cookie Monster on Sesame Street would excitedly say the word, except that the Australian says it like that normally. Which is hilarious.


  2. “why are the words “cake” and “cookies” so ugly?”

    Because they both start and end with a guttural “KAH” sound — like the sound of jet-black crows flying and cackling over a funeral.


  3. So what do you bring up for filler and bonding talk instead when people start going on about sweets and covid-19?


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