The bright blue cupcake is a gift that keeps on giving. Klara threw it up all over the sofa, my pants, and her dress. It’s not surprising because I’m not sure even I’d be able to keep down something this aggressively colored. Something tells me we are not the only family in town who wants to strangle the blue cupcake parents.
And then I get to Klara’s school in my beautiful new light-grey coat, and it turns out some inconsiderate parent decided to celebrate their kid’s birthday by bringing a tray of cupcakes with bright blue frosting for the kids. And of course the moment the kids saw me, they decided to run towards me and give me a hug. (They love me because I’m funny). And I started sprinting away from them to save my coat. And they did not take that well.
You can only imagine how the teachers feel about the prospect of washing 8 bright blue faces and pairs of hands covered with sticky frosting. The whole classroom was trashed. Klara’s pants are destroyed because she somehow managed to sit on a cupcake.
I have no idea what that bizarre parent was thinking. The teachers will not be grateful for this “treat.” Just think about what a bunch of two-year-olds can do to a room when they are hopped up on sugar and armed with a bunch of blue cupcakes.
And I don’t want to be a fussy sort of person, but those pants Klara is wearing are new and expensive because they are very warm. And now they look horrible.
New York knows I don’t like it and dislikes me back. My flight was cancelled, and I have no idea if I’ll get there at all.
In case I do get there in the midst of a snowstorm, I went and bought myself a hat. My head is enormous and nothing fits. The only hat somewhat generous enough to accommodate my huge head (if I get rid of the hair) looks hideous. And makes me feel like I have a furry animal clutching my scalp.
I also tried to buy thick tights but the store assistant told me the pair I picked wasn’t in stock at their store and they have no idea how it got there. Drama was about to ensue with people investigating the provenance of a pair of opaque (literally and metaphorically) tights, so I just left.
The MLA is sending out reminders to bring winter boots because it is likely to snow in winter in New York. I’d wonder at this weird infantilization of academics if I hadn’t seen how eagerly people self-infantilize at conferences. It’s like a conference is the time for the inner child to come out.